Fullnoodle Alfredo
by ZaKai
Summary: AU In need of a job, teenage alchemist Edward Elric signs a two year contract to work for a restaurant. Little does he know that this is no ordinary restaurant.


**A/N:** **Please read the following information before starting the story.**

**Title:** Fullnoodle Alfredo

**Fandom:** Various. (Fullmetal Alchemist is the main fandom for this story, but I will be using various people from various anime throughout this fic.)

**Rating: **PG13 (or T, whatever fits your fancy. This story will remain PG13. I have an idea for a side story that would be rated R or M, but the rating for this one will not change)

**Type: **AU though a bit divergence. Does that make any sense?

**Yaoi or non-yaoi: **Non-yaoi (this does not include characters from animes that are actually gay, like Gravitation. But this story will not focus on it. The M rated side story I am thinking of would be Yaoi for those who are interested.)

**File under:** WTF

**Disclaimer: **I will not be held responsible for any therapy needed after reading this story. Please send all psychiatrist bills to FUNimation Productions Ltd or Hiromu Arakawa as Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to them and not to me. You could send the bills to me but as I make no money off this story they would go unpaid.

**Fullnoodle Alfredo**

**First Course**

**Help Wanted**

Ed stuffed his hands in his pockets as he moped down the sidewalk.

He needed a job.

At sixteen, he was a legal adult. That meant the state no longer sent checks to cover for his expenses, and for some lame reason, they refused to believe that Alphonse was a minor.

Perhaps it was the armor that put them off…

Of course, the check for himself had been perfect since Al didn't eat and need other things. This had left them the freedom of spending everyday searching for a way to return Al, and himself, to the way they used to be.

At first, they'd just gone around fixing things with alchemy to make money, but that only created more problems. The local alchemists who did it for a living began to lose business, so they complained to the department in charge of business affairs. That had resulted in a number of fines for doing business without a license.

The short blond kicked a pebble with his shoe and watched it clatter down the sidewalk.

How lame.

They didn't make kids selling lemonade on the street corner get a business license…

Ed lifted his head and glanced around. He'd already tried going through the want ads, but often when he went to apply he was met with disbelieving stares and laughter.

He growled and kicked another rock.

Okay, so maybe he was freakishly short for his age, and he looked kind of young, but that didn't mean they had to…

Angrily he ran up to the same rock he'd just kicked and kicked it again.

Well, he'd shown them…

Transmuting people and things into unrecognizable objects did much to make him feel better, but it really put a damper on trying to find employment.

Suddenly he heard a bell chime, the type of bell that shop owners put on their doors to alert them to customers, and he saw an older man with a thin mustache and a patch over his eye walk out with a cardboard sign and put it on the window of…

Ed looked at the sign that proclaimed the name of the establishment

_Fuhrur's Fine Food. _

The man stepped back, folded his arms and studied the sign.

Turning his attention to the sign, Ed read:

_HELP WANTED _

_Trustworthy, reliable staff member needed to be trained in various positions including: server, cook, busboy/girl, cashier, dishwasher, host/hostess, etc._

Ed blinked. Etc? What other positions could you be cross trained for in a restaurant?

_Must be willing to work a variety of hours, and be willing to sign a two-year contract. Good pay. Health and Dental insurance package available as well as AD&D insurance._

_Please apply inside._

As the man was about to go inside, Ed said, "I'm looking for a job."

Not that he expected to be given the time of day, but it was worth a shot.

The man looked at him with his good eye and grinned. "Is that so, young man? Have you read the sign?"

Ed nodded.

"Alright then, you're hired," he said, stepping forward and taking the sign down. "Come with me, and let's get you signed up."

Ed shook his head, wondering if he he'd heard right.

He was hired?

No other questions for him at all?

Not knowing what to think, Ed watched as the odd man walked, not back toward the restaurant, but to the bus stop bench and sat down.

_What in the world..._ he thought in confusion, but the man only looked back at him and waved him forward. Feeling a bit strange about the whole situation, Ed walked over and sat on the bench only to realize that the guy was holding a folder filled with paperwork and a pen.

_Where did that come from?_ he asked himself, then thought perhaps the man had pulled them out from beneath his suit jacket, but… if so…why would he have been keeping them there?

"Now, these are all the papers you need to sign." This was said by handing Ed the pen, the cardboard sign and the first paper from the folder.

"What's this?" he asked, taking the proffered items with a frown.

"Just saying that you're of legal age to work. Legal stuff. Don't worry about it, just sign," the man with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Shrugging, Ed began signing each paper that came to him. There were a bunch of forms for taxes, a few for health and dental insurance, one that was…

"What's this?" he asked, holding up a paper that said _CONTRACT_ at the top.

"Ah, that's your two-year contract. We like our people to stay with us. This type of thing insures it."

Ed looked down at the paper and grimaced. A two-year contract? To work at a restaurant? Shrugging, he signed on the correct line and held his hand out for another paper. He'd need to work for a while anyway, might as well stay with one job.

The next paper was some sort of waver saying that he, or any family members, couldn't sue them for any damages and the such in case of injury or death. _Strange..._ he thought as he signed it.

The next paper was a form for 'mandatory AD&D' insurance. He looked up and asked, "What's AD&D insurance?"

"Oh that. It's Accidental Death and Dismemberment insurance. We make sure all our employees have that. You get a specific monetary amount for each body part you lose in case you want to get automail or something, and of course you get the full amount if you die."

Ed raised an eyebrow. "I'm not going to need it if I'm dead…"

The man shrugged with a grin and made a motion with his hand that indicated he wanted Ed to sign the paper. With another shrug, the blond signed the paper thinking that kind of insurance would have been really nice when he was a kid…

When he held out his hand, instead of getting another paper, the man shook his hand and said, "Welcome to the team…" A look at one of the forms. "…Edward."

"Ed," he corrected.

"Ed," the man affirmed, then said, "My name is Fuhrer Bradly. I own this fine establishment, but I leave most of the daily affairs to my head manager."

The teen raised an eyebrow and asked, "Fuhrer?"

The man chuckled and tucked all the papers in the folder. "That's my name. My mother had great hopes for me." He handed the folder to Ed. "Just call me Bradly. Can you come by tonight to meet with your new manager?"

"Well…I suppose…" he said.

"Fabulous! He'll show you around and make sure you meet everyone," the man said and stood up. "I'll leave a note for your new manager, letting him know you'll be coming in." With a wave, the man headed back for the restaurant.

Realizing the folder was still in his hand, Ed said, "Don't you want these?"

Bradly turned around and said, "No. Why don't you bring them in tonight. Give them to your new manager to fill out our side of the information. He _loves_ paperwork." And with a mischievous grin, he walked inside, leaving Ed alone at the bus stop.

* * *

Tucking the folder under his arm, Ed said loudly, "Well, I'm off."

"Bye, brother. Don't get fired," came the shout from his brother from the other room.

With a huff of exasperation, the teen yelled sarcastically, "Thanks for the vote of confidence!"

"You're welcome," came the sincere reply.

Muttering under his breath, Ed stalked out of the small apartment they shared and started down the sidewalk. He loved his brother, but …really! Maybe he should have Al work, while he researched…

Ed sighed. He knew that was unfair. After all, it was because of him that his brother had lost his body in the first place… besides, Al was still underage…

It didn't take him too long to get to the restaurant, and when he stepped inside, Ed saw a reception area with seats and a podium looking stand for a host or hostess to stand at. Right now it was empty. His eyes fell on a sign and he walked over to get a better look.

_ATTENTION CUSTOMERS:_

_The following rules apply:_

_All__ weapons must be left with the doorman. _

Ed raised an eyebrow. A strange rule for a restaurant…

_Giant Robots, Gundams, Evas, etc., must be parked in the back. NO EXCEPTIONS! The front parking is for __normal__ vehicles only. Park in the back, or you __will__ be towed. _

Gundams? Evas? What the…?

_All transformations must be done either outside, or in the restroom. This applies to __all__ transformations including 'super saiyan' and 'magical girl' transformations. _

Magical _what...?_

_Flying is __not__ allowed inside the restaurant. _

_All fights must be taken to the back parking lot. Remember, anything you damage, you pay for._

There were more, but he didn't get a chance to finish reading.

"Can I help you young man?" a booming voice said.

Ed looked up from the rules to see a very tall and muscular man in black pants and a white shirt, and bald except for one curl of blond hair, standing beside him.

"Uh..." Ed stuttered, "I'm...new...I just, um...I just got hired today..."

At that, the big man grinned and Ed found himself in a crushing hug. "That's fabulous!" the man cried.

"Help..." Ed squeaked and when the man let him go, Ed leaned over, gasping for breath.

"I'm Alex Louis Armstrong! It's truly a pleasure to meet you!"

Ed blinked.

Were those...

No... they couldn't be...

Pink...sparkles...

The teen rubbed at his eyes and when he looked again, the sparkles were gone.

_I must have imagined it_... he thought. Though why he would have imagined that was beyond him.

"I, um..." Ed stammered, trying to think of a way to get away. Suddenly he remembered the folder and lifted it up for the man to see. "I'm supposed to give these papers to..." The teen stopped when he realized that he didn't know the name of the manager he was supposed to meet with.

"Ah, yes! Of course!" The man, Armstrong, pointed. "Just go that way on your left though the tables and around that corner, then go up the stairs to the second floor dining area and there will be a hallway in the back. Just head down that way until you see some doors. The last one on the right is the one you need."

Ed nodded and hurried off before he was accosted again. As he left the waiting area he noticed a sign on his right that said, _Coffee and Baked Goods._ Beyond the sign the area did, indeed, look like a coffee shop/bakery.

_Interesting..._ he thought, then turned left.

Here there were tables and booths that resembled a restaurant. A couple of the tables were occupied, but other than that it was empty. The coloring was bright in some areas and dark in others. The lighting was also better in some areas than others. A swinging door that said "Kitchen" on it, stood inconspicuously on one wall.

Ed shrugged and made his way up the stairs. When he got to the top, he saw a more elegant dining area than what was on the lower floor. It was completely devoid of any customers, and he thought perhaps this area might be used for special occasions or something...

The teen shook his head. This restaurant was definitely one of the most versatile places he'd seen.

Ed looked around, then saw an open doorway, with no door, at the back of the dining area. As he made his way into the hall way he saw a small room to his left that had dishes and other things that he supposed a server might need. To his right, Ed saw that the hallway extended long enough for there to be four doors on each side of the hallway and one at the end.

He sighed, walked to the last door on his right, and knocked.

"Come," came a short reply and Ed opened the door and let himself inside.

Sitting at a desk filled with various papers and folders was a man with thin, black straight hair and dark eyes. He was wearing a black suit with a white button up shirt and a black tie. The man raised an eyebrow at Ed, then said, "Can I help you...?"

"I was just hired today..." Ed began, but stopped when he saw the scowl on the other man's face.

"Great...Now the crazy old man is hiring children...perfect..." he man muttered and passed a hand over his eyes.

"I'm sixteen!" Ed said irritably.

"You look like you're ten," the man said. "I guess now when we say we're short staffed we can really mean it."

"WHAT!" the teen yelled angrily.

"Please tell me you didn't already sign the contract..." the man said.

"Yes, I did. It's right here," he said and held up the folder.

"Great..." The man glanced at the folder, then waved Ed forward. "And you're even off to a great start. Thank you for bringing me more paperwork. As you can see, I don't have enough of it."

Ed looked quickly at the paper-strewn desk. The man was obviously being sarcastic...

The dark haired man took the folder and leaned back in his chair before pointing to a chair in front of his desk. "Sit. This is going to take a few minutes."

Ed nodded unhappily and sat down. The man leafed through the papers and said, "Edward Elric?" Ed nodded. "You go by Edward or is there something else you'd rather be called?"

"Ed," he said shortly.

The man glanced at him and said, "A short name for a short person."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HIS NAME IS BIGGER THAN HE IS?" Ed yelled.

The other man raised an eyebrow and murmured, "Temper, temper. Is _everything _about you short?"

Seething inside, but not wanting to lose the only job he'd been able to find, Ed simply glared at the man.

A small, smug smile touched the man's lips and he leaned forward in his chair, put the folder on the desk and wrote something on one of the papers.

"You do realize you've signed a two-year contract to work here, don't you?" the man said mildly.

Ed nodded, and frowned when the smug smile grew.

"Good," the man murmured, then said, "My name is Roy Mustang. From this day forward, I am your new god. I decide your shifts, and what days you'll have off. If I call you at 2:00am and tell you to come in, you come in. I decide what areas you'll be trained in and what days you'll work what sections. Most importantly, I sign your paycheck. I run this restaurant like my own personal military. Do what I say and you won't have any problems."

The man, Mustang, held up one of the papers and said, "This contract is binding; legally and otherwise. Whether either of us likes it or not, you work here for the next two years. Don't try to break your contract; it would be bad for your health. Understand?"

_Not really_, he thought, but nodded anyway.

"Excellent," Mustang said and put the paper down. "I'd like you to come in tomorrow morning. At that time, I'll show you around the restaurant and introduce you to some of the staff. I'll have you work early mornings and late at night for the first couple of weeks while you're trained. We get extremely busy during peak hours and I don't want you floundering around with no idea what you're doing."

When Ed said nothing, Mustang dismissed him and went back to what he'd been doing before Ed had come in.

As he stepped out into the hallway, and closed the door behind him, Ed wondered what the hell he'd gotten himself into.

I got the idea for this story a while ago, but I've been so busy that I haven't had time to work on it. Although it's different from what I usually write, I really like the idea for this story and I think it will be fun to write, and hopefully fun to read.

* * *

**Please Review!**


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